I have this problem where I need to follow a recipe. I can’t just make things up off the top of my head like everyone on the Food Network can. Thankfully I am pretty good at “adjusting” things to fit my needs. I started with a simple recipe for waffles and turned them into red velvet inspired waffles with chocolate chips. (I say inspired because there’s no buttermilk). In hindsight I should have made blue velvet waffles so I could quote the film this entire post.
Adapted from the non brand name box of all purpose baking powder’s recipe for waffles:
Red Velvet Chocolate Chip Waffles:
2 cups of all purpose baking powder (AKA Bisquick)
1 and 1/4 cups of milk
2 large eggs (size doesn’t really matter- that’s what he said)
1/2 cup of cocoa powder
1/4 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips
red food coloring
a waffle iron (if you don’t own a waffle iron, make pancakes)
flour, in case you do something wrong and are out of all purpose baking powder
Makes 4 round Belgian sized waffles if you’re not very careful about measuring or scraping the bottom of the bowl for all the batter.
Making Your Waffle Batter
1. Mix everything in a bowl minus the waffle iron, the chocolate chips, the confectioner’s sugar, or the “I messed up” flour. DO NOT try to mix your waffle iron into your batter. It should be obvious why.
If you’re like me and can’t look in two places at once, mix 2 cups of all purpose baking powder, 1 and 1/4 cups of milk, 2 large eggs, 1/2 cup of cocoa powder, 1/4 cup of sugar, 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract, and red food coloring in a bowl until red and chocolatey. Add more cocoa powder if not at peak chocolateyness.
NOTE: If the batter is too liquidy (i.e. more of a pancake than a waffle consistency) add more all purpose baking powder or flour to thicken the mixture up. Thin batter = a giant mess. And pancakes. I suggest slowly adding the thickening agent by tossing it into your bowl from a high place and relying on whatever makes it in. That’s how I measure things!
Cooking Your Waffles
1. Preheat waffle iron until ready light comes on. If your iron doesn’t have one, wait until iron is hot enough to burn you. Place paper towels underneath to catch any drippage. TRUST ME.
2. Coat waffle iron with non stick spray. Make a giant mess and use too much spray. Curse the fact that it’s not easier to use a simple aerosol butter substitute.
3. Fill a 1 cup measuring cup (say that three times fast) with batter. Add in heaping of chocolate chips. Mix, until chocolate chips are completely coated before adding to preheated waffle iron.
NOTE: I worked in an ice-cream shop for over 3 years and made a lot of waffle sundaes. I know what I’m doing. If you don’t want a giant headache or mess, follow my steps. Otherwise, your funeral.
4. Add batter to waffle iron directly in center. Close lid. Heat until ready light says done or waffle iron opens without ripping the waffle. This takes patience, pretend you have it.
5. Remove waffle when done, cursing when you burn your fingers. This will happen every time, no matter how long you try to wait for the waffle to cool off. If you have common sense (I don’t), wear gloves.
6. Sprinkle with confectioner’s sugar for the fancy factor. DO NOT serve with Heineken. “Heineken, fuck that shit! PABST BLUE RIBBON!” Oh wait, I made red velvet pancakes, not blue velvet ones. I keep forgetting. FOILED AGAIN!